Hobbies, Meditation + Healing

The point is to have a hobby

So it turns out the oldies were right — the point of life is to have a hobby. You weren’t born in the wrong generation, you just don’t have a hobby.

Sometimes I find it really hard to sit still and stop thinking. I know that meditation is a muscle you have to grow, but for me, the times in which I feel the most at peace are when I’m in connection with Source.

You might ask, What is Source? Source is what Rick Rubin mentions in his book The Creative Act. “Source” refers to the vast, ever-present, and inexhaustible realm of inspiration and creativity available to all individuals. I believe Source is what we connect to when we meditate — the same thing I connect to when I’m taking photos, scanning film, writing, or lying amidst the ideas of my creativity. It’s pure bliss. A wordless feeling of knowing. It’s flying, and not needing to know how.

Just like all the great spiritual leaders of our world say, even amidst the chaos, grief and sadness of life, you can find peace, acceptance, and even happiness through meditation. I believe this can also be achieved through connecting to Source in other ways. And for me, that way is through analogue photography.

Analogue photography was (and is) the creative process that took me out of my head and into my art. It helped me learn who I am and what I believe. It has taught me more about myself than any yoga retreat, self-help book, psychedelic experience or trauma ever could — because it moved those experiences from a nestled place in my psyche to a conscious understanding of what had happened, been felt, or seen.

Here are some examples of that process:

I began to feel jealous and competitive towards the women around me. I had never experienced this much before in my life, and it was turning me into a sour person — someone who didn’t want to be around other women, especially successful, beautiful or intellectual ones. At that point in my life, I wanted to be around women who made me feel good about myself through comparison. (I know that’s sad, but I said I was going to be shockingly honest here.)

After a little while of living like this, I looked myself in the (metaphorical) mirror one day and asked myself — what the fuck was I doing?

We all know you become a combination of the top five people you spend time around, and I was consciously spending time with people who made me feel good about myself in a bad way. For one, I wasn’t building up the women I was surrounding myself with. And for two, I was avoiding the ones who mirrored what I felt I lacked in my own life.

I had used my film camera as a tool of self-love for the women in my life as a teenager, and celebrating everything my teenage girlfriends were came naturally and easily. So why not do it again?

From then on, as soon as I felt feelings of jealousy, comparison or dislike towards a woman, I would ask if I could take photos of her. Through doing this, I healed from the inside out. And I can honestly say, from my heart to yours, that women are now my companions and muses. Any feelings of resentment, jealousy or comparison are now a faded memory of the past.

I also felt deeply disconnected from someone due to a drug issue they were struggling with at the time. I didn’t understand what it meant to be dependent on a substance, and I couldn’t grasp how their love for me wasn’t enough to make them stop.

In the pain of this misunderstanding, I hit the streets of Adelaide with a cheap Canon Sureshot Z135 and a pocket full of Ilford HP5. Adelaide City is known for its population of people struggling with addiction. Connecting with those I once crossed the street to avoid felt less daunting than a bus ride home alone.

I saw in their eyes what I saw in the eyes of my person back home — and I understood them.

Honestly, I didn’t take too many photos, but of the ones I did, they healed me more than any therapist could have at the time. I can’t explain how. All I can say is that they did — because underneath it all, there’s a big heart.

Turning into my misunderstandings, jealousy, anger and pain through my art has been a little bit life-changing :)